


Forgiveness doesn't change the past (but it does enlarge the future)

by IronSwordStarShield (SweetFanfics)



Category: Marvel (Comics), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Civil War Fix-It, Earth-3490, F/M, Female Tony Stark, Miscarriage, POV Alternating, POV Outsider, Plays fast and lose with canon to fix things
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-18
Updated: 2018-06-18
Packaged: 2019-05-25 01:55:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,011
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14966615
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SweetFanfics/pseuds/IronSwordStarShield
Summary: Tony hates the dog and pony show that comes after each fight. Sure she stands for accountability but trying to justify split second decisions that are made due to a combination of years of expertise and genius-level intellect to a bunch of hungry sharks parading as journalists? She hates it. She resents that they can't keep up and how her intelligence is questioned.Mostly, she just resents having to tell the press crew gathered that she took one hell of a beating from Captain America.--Where Tony is a girl, used to date Steve Rogers/Captain America before the whole SHRA thing happened, and has an unexpected miscarriage.





	Forgiveness doesn't change the past (but it does enlarge the future)

**Author's Note:**

> So I got this idea last night at like, 3AM while reading this other fic. And cuz I'm a devil Gordon Ramsey with pepper horns, I was like "Oh I MUST tell Jini this idea, she's going to love this!" and after we both woke up, I wrote 6.5K words of this fic straight into her IM on discord. So this was MOSTLY by the seat of my pants. 
> 
> The decision to make it Peter's POV was... very spur of the moment. I started writing it with Steve's POV but I didn't think I could do the emotional angle justice and went with the outsider POV. Let me know how if it works for you in the comments!
> 
> If there's any canon inconsistencies, I'm hand waving them away cuz FUCK Civil War and all the drama that followed after. There's only so much shit that can happen to a group of people in 1 year and everything after CW 'til Steve's return JUST TAKES THE BLOODY CAKE. 
> 
> (me, on my death bed: raving about how much CW makes me mad upset)
> 
> \--
> 
>  **Warnings** : This fic involves a cis fem character experiencing a miscarriage when she didn't even know she was pregnant. There's also the implication that the fetal matter had to be extracted. There's also the implication that Steve is going to be painted as a guy who'd be physically abusive towards his ex-girlfriend.
> 
> I think that's all the warnings. If I miss anything I apologize. Please let me know what I've missed and I'll put in an appropriate warning.

Tony hates the dog and pony show that comes after each fight. Sure she stands for accountability but trying to justify split second decisions that are made due to a combination of years of expertise and genius-level intellect to a bunch of hungry sharks parading as journalists? She hates it. She resents that they can't keep up and how her intelligence is questioned.

 

Mostly, she just resents having to tell the press crew gathered that she took one hell of a beating from Captain America.

 

And frankly, she doesn't want to admit the reason why she got her suit fried was because she was an idiot who opted to trust her best friend slash lover and he placed a fucking EMP in her outreached hand.

 

If that's not a metaphor, Tony doesn't know what is.

 

She knows what they'll say. There's a small mean part of her that takes vicious pride in how Steve will be painted. The larger part of her is too tired, too sad, too weary. There's no controlling the narrative now. All she can do is hang on for dear life and hope for the best. And the best at this point is praying that there wont be complete and utter devastation at the end.

 

Her hand rests against her stomach during the press conference, glad she'd asked Pepper to change the set up so that she was sitting behind a table instead of standing up at a podium. Her insides feel like someone stuck them in a blender with rusty blades. She feels a twinge of self consciousness; she should have listened to Carol and gone to the medics after Cap had kicked her in the torso and send her flying into the side of the building. But there had been things to do, people to look after.... costs to account for.

 

Tony resolves to take some pain meds as soon as she's off stage, find out where she'd tossed her favorite heating pad, and take a nap. All of that and she'd be right as rain in no time. It's such a small thing but it adds a hint of genuine pleasure to her smile when she wraps up the conference and stands up. She blinks rapidly at the vertigo, touching her fingertips against the table top to brace herself. There's a rush of wetness in her lap that causes her to scowl. Did she just knock her water glass into her lap?

  
It takes a 1/10th of a second for the thought to occur. Another for her to glance down. Another for her heart to stop.

 

There's blood staining the crotch of her pants.

 

So much blood. Tony stares down in horror because her period isn't due. It's not due for another three weeks. Not that the damn thing is regular by any account but... It's too soon. Her stomach twists inside of her. She glances up and meets Pepper's horrified gaze. Tony's frozen as she meets Pepper's wide eyes. She opens her mouth but whatever she'd meant to say dies, replaced instead of a pained whimper.

 

\--

 

Peter's not sure why Steve does this to himself. Watch Tony's press conferences after their fights, that is. He imagines it's Steve's way of reassuring himself that Tony's okay. Personally he thinks its a crap yard stick to measure Tony's wellness by because if there was anyone who never let even the smallest crack of their unhappiness or ill health show to the press, its Tony. He himself had seen her tape her ribs, slip a silk blouse and a pair of high heels on and stride onto the stage like she didn't have 2 broken ribs and a sprained ankle.

 

Staring at her smile at the press as she talks about the damages incurred and how they'll be corrected (blah bah blah, Peter drolls bemusedly in his head), Peter tries not to let his bitterness get the better of him. He fails. With an annoyed exhale, he turns to look at Steve instead.

 

Steve's frowning pensively at the screen. Her eyes unwavering as Tony waves and laughs and jokes with the journalists. He looks like he's trying to figure out her weak spot. Peter hopes that's the case. He's not sure how he'll feel if Steve's thoughts are more loving and forgiving. What would all this mess have been for then?

 

Steve's expression changes when Tony declares that was the last question. It's torn between frustration and sadness. Peter's ready to ask why does Steve torture himself when Steve scowls at the screen.

 

"What the hell?"

  
That wasn't Steve. Peter turns back to the TV. Tony's staring down at her lap in horror. She's the one who cursed on live TV. She's also looking off stage at someone, face whiter than the blouse she's got on. She takes a small step forward and Pepper's flying onto the stage. Someone from the crowd yell-asks, "Are you okay Tony?"

 

Tony leans against Pepper, letting the red-head guide her off stage. A collective gasp goes through the room when Tony steps out from behind the desk. Next to him, Steve cracks the remote. There's a deep, dark stain soaking into Tony's crotch, slowly working its way down her right leg.

 

Peter stares and stares and stares because Tony would never... whats...

 

Steve whispers, "What just happened?"

  
\--

 

Tony prides herself on her ability to rapidly process information and spit a solution back out. But this? Her brain might as well be trying to work its way through a mixture of cement and molasses.

 

She just stares at the doctor and asks, "Say that again?"

 

"I'm sorry Ms. Stark but you had a miscarriage."

 

"But I..." Tony stops before she completes that thought. "How long...?"

 

"Hard to say but perhaps 8 weeks."

 

8 weeks. 2 months.

 

Right before this whole damned shit show started.

 

The last time she and Steve...

 

Steve.

 

The hit.

 

Nausea and bile rise up her throat. Tony barely has the time or the good sense to do anything except turn to the right and throw up what little lunch she'd had on the side of her hospital bed.  
  
\--

 

Steve stays glued to the TV for the rest of the night, desperately following any and all Tony related news.

 

Tony's been taken to the Lower Manhattan Hospital. She's been there for a little over 2 hours now. There's a couple of reporters on the scene but they haven't shared anything important. They're just repeating what they all know. Tony started bleeding at the end of her press conference and was rushed to the nearest hospital by Pepper Hogan and Happy Hogan. The trio went straight into ER and there's been no word since.

 

Peter's not sure why he sticks around with Steve on the sofa but he does.

 

He lies to himself and tells himself its for support. He tells himself he's just curious. If Tony's critically wounded, it's better for their cause. Strategically, it's good to know what's going on.

 

He ignores the part where he's genuinely concerned for Tony because that way lies admitting he still cares.

  
Peter's eyes dip down to the corner of the screen. It's coming up to 3 hours now. Surely by now SOMEONE would have come out to give a statement right? Pepper at the very least would have come out with a prepared statement that Tony was hurt or that she'd been an idiot and let some injury go untreated but was now in surgery to get it fixed.

 

But there's still nothing.

 

The clock ticks on.

 

It's been 4 hours and 21 minutes since Tony's press conference when a reporter finally announces that someone from the hospital will be coming out to tell them what's Tony Stark's status. Steve visibly perks up at this, sitting on the edge of the sofa as he watches the perky brunette talk to her co-host back at the studio.

 

Another 20 minutes and a pale faced Pepper steps out next to a dark skinned doctor. Pepper looks harried and the doctor looks calm, like she's used to being crowded by what looks like 10 different journalists.

 

It's a simple statement. Tony Stark was admitted at blah blah blah. She was bleeding etc etc. It wasn't life threatening, she's in recovery yada yada yada.

 

But there's no information in there that really tells them what was WRONG with Tony.

 

Several of the news reporters bring this up. The doctor glances over at Pepper, who presses her lips together before stepping forward.

 

"The injury was of a personal nature and Tony does not wish to discuss it any further. Needless to say, she's in recovery and will be back on her feet soon."

  
Peter makes a face at the TV, making a "That's it?" gesture with his hand before turning to look at Steve. Steve stares at Pepper's receding back before muttering, "She's hiding something."

 

"No duh." Peter mumbles under his breath before pausing and asking, "You're not going to do anything stupid are you."

  
"Like what?" Steve asks, an eyebrow raised.

 

"Like hack into the hospitals database to see what was really wrong?"

 

Steve shakes his head. "No."

 

"Thank God, cuz I don't want anything to do with tha-"

 

"I'm going to go down there and talk to the doctor myself."

 

Peter throws his hands up and tries not to web Steve to the sofa. "DON'T do THAT. Do you WANT to get caught and throw in jail? The hell's wrong with you?"

 

Steve's eyes turn to the screen and that's answer enough. _But it's Tony._

 

Peter tries not to growl as he scrubs a hand down his face. "I'll see what I can find out. Just... NO going out in public."

  
He's going to regret this.

  
\--

 

Tony's doesn't remember much after she threw up. If she had to make an educated guess, she'd say she was disassociating harder than she's ever done before. It feels like she's watching her life playing out on TV when Pepper and the doctor discuss what they're going to tell the press (Nothing. Absolutely nothing. Least of all any implication that Tony just miscarried Steve's child all because she and Steve got into a BRAWL). Tony's on Mars and her body's on Earth when Pepper comes back and frets over her before she falls asleep. Tony's head is floating 6 inches off her shoulders when Pepper sweeps in the next morning with a new suit and make up.

 

She doesn't remember the trip out of the hospital. Not really.

 

She remembers the comforting warmth of Pepper's hand on her back, guiding her into her car and Happy's quiet concern leaking through when he asks them if he should make a stop at the nearest White Castle. But Tony's too numb to reply. Her brain... molasses... It's too hard to comprehend what's happened (or how they've arrived at this point).

 

Time slips away from her.

 

\--

  
Peter stares at his screen and feels his mouth go dry.

 

He regrets everything.

 

Over his shoulder, Steve has gone painfully still. Both their eyes are locked onto the diagnosis.

 

"Patient suffered from an incomplete miscarriage at 8-9 weeks pregnancy."

  
The warmth over his shoulder pulls away. Peter doesn't dare look back. He flinches at how quietly Steve closes the door behind him.

  
\--

 

Pepper and Happy move in with her. Tony assumes that anyways given how she sees them in her living space every morning and every night. They keep her on her schedule that way. One appointment after another after another. It feels like going through the motions but it keeps her busy. And if she's busy, then she doesn't have time to stop and think about how she's missed out on a miracle.

 

 _Stop_ , she tells herself, shaking her head before asking Pepper to repeat herself.

 

She talks about merges and dividends and the upcoming board meeting and the status of her latest projects.

 

And then, at the end, she quietly tells Tony that Steve called her.

 

Tony walks out of the room because she can't.

 

She just... can't.

  
\--

 

She's ignoring Steve.

 

This isn't going to end well.

 

Peter chews on his bottom lip as he watches Steve pace around the kitchen, burner phone pressed against his ear as Pepper neutrally informs him that Tony doesn't want to talk to him.

 

"Did you tell her I-"

 

"I did. And she's walked out of the room every time. Steve... she doesn't want to talk to you."

 

This isn't going to end well, Peter thinks to himself tiredly as he watches Steve pinch the bridge of his nose and hides his red-rimmed eyes.

  
\--

 

Tony doesn't look up as the door on the far end of her lab opens up with a beep. It has to be Pepper, irritated as hell probably that she's had to use her override to use the 'Avengers Only' entrance Tony's set up when she's told JARVIS to keep the riff raff out. She stays hunched over her workbench, a soldering iron in one hand and a wire in the other.

 

"You didn't change my override."

 

Tony's hand jerks, soldering iron going wild and joining circuits that shouldn't be joined, causing a small pop and a stream of smoke to rise out of the delicate circuit board.

 

That's not Pepper.

 

Her body moves before her panicked heart and mind can put together any semblance of a plan. She's got the magnifying glasses tipped up and a cool look directed at Steve as he stands at the edge of her safe haven.

 

"i can't override an override," she lies. She's proud of how steady her voice is. It doesn't give away the faint trembling that's starting in her knees.

  
She waits for Steve to say something. Do something. But he just stands there, looking at her like she's...

 

Oh. He probably heard about her stint at the hospital.

 

"What do you want, Steve?"

 

"Why didn't you change the codes? You could have if you wanted to."

 

Tony shakes her head. For the first time since the press conference, she feels. There's talons scratching against the inside of her ribs. But there's no blood; only hurt. A hurt that throbs and makes her wish she WAS bleeding so that she could drown in her own blood and achieve peace. Instead here she is, trying to navigate the oil-slick waters of yet another ruined relationship.

 

Ignoring Steve, she turns back to her workbench. The circuit is fried. She'll have to start from scratch. Fuckin' perfect.

 

"Tony..."

 

That's two days of work down the toilet all because Steve thought it'd be a good idea to sneak up on her. Jesus... What if she'd been in her suit? She'd probably had repulsored his head off for startling her.

 

"Antonia."

 

Her head snaps up at that, automatic. A visceral snarl curls her lips and makes her snap, "Don't call me that!"

 

Steve holds his hands up in a peace offering and Tony wants to toss a fucking wrench at his thick head. Always with the pushing of the buttons just to get a reaction so that he can get what he fucking wants.

 

"What the hell do you even want? You want me to arrest you? Is that it?"

 

"No I... I was worried."

 

"NOW you're worried?" Tony mocks, angrily yanking her gloves off.

  
She wants to argue. She TRIES to argue. But Steve. Stubborn, annoying Steve doesn't do what she wants. He just backs up against the elevator, hands up, expression alarmed, as Tony angrily stalks up to him. Ranting about who does he think he is? What gives him the right to just walk in here? She's got a good mind to arrest him and throw away the key!

 

"Why don't you?"

 

"BECAUSE!" Tony yells in his face.

 

His hands finally reach out to touch her wrists and pulls away like she's burned. She pushes back a million memories of all the times Steve took hold of her wrists to kiss them to pull her in for a hug to swing her around in a playful dance.

 

"No!" she hisses. "You can't... You lost that privilege."

 

Steve looked gutted and Tony thinks, good.

 

"You don't get to touch me. You don't get to be worried about me. You walked out on me, on US. You don't-"

 

"I can't worry about you even when you miscarried our child?"

 

This must be what swallowing liquid nitrogen must feel like because everything inside of her turns to ice. Beautiful, fragile, cold, ice.

 

Tony stares at Steve in a mixture of horror and alarm before asking, "How did you... We didn't...."

 

The guilt in Steve's eyes is there for a flash before his eyes lower to the ground and oh. Oh. Isn't that just RICH.

 

Tony shakes her head, "I can't believe you. I just can't..."

 

Red bleeds out of her heart and into her fingertips, making her grab the first thing within her sights and throwing it at the wall. The tool bangs against the wall before falling to the ground. Tony doesn't feel satisfied. She grabs a couple more things and hurls them at the wall before sliding her hands into her hair and tugging because what the hell does Steve want from her? Why can't he just leave well enough BE?

 

She sees him take a step towards her and runs to the end of her lab. When Iron Maiden stands waiting for her.

 

"Tony!" she hears him call and thinks no.

 

No, she doesn't owe him anything.

  
(And yet she doesn't tell anyone that Steve Rogers, the leader of the anti-SHRA group of superheroes came to visit her in her private lab in the dead of night. Tony hates herself just a little for still caring.)

 

\--

 

Peter feels numb as he stares Steve down. Jessica is yelling at Steve. Luke's walked out on him. MJ looks like someone just slapped her. And Peter... he feels like he's just made the biggest damned mistake of his life. 

 

Steve lets Jessica run out of steam before quietly reiterating his initial statement. "I'm not asking you to follow my lead. You can stay here, stay under the radar. I know I'm being selfish when I say that I'm choosing to turn myself in. But I've come to realize how much I've jeopardized by digging my heels in and refusing to compromise. Refusing to even listen what the middle ground looks like."

 

Knowing what he knows, Peter knows what Steve's thinking about when his expression turns haunted. Steve is keenly aware of what he's lost and he blames himself for it.

 

(Does it make Peter a bad person if he thinks Steve's to blame for all of this?)

 

He stands up and walks out of the kitchen because this is a shit show. 

 

He never signed up for any of this.

 

\--  
  
  
She's asked to escort Steve to his hearing. Tony screams into a pillow before wearily replying back sure but she'll be in charge of security for the whole event. She foregoes sleep in favor of figuring out the safest way to get Steve inside the courthouse. There's three potential entry points: the front door, the back door, and the semi-private/discreet door that they use for seriously high profile cases to slip in and out of the court house without being hassled by people.

 

The people in charge want Steve to be made an example of and therefore want him paraded through the streets, in full regalia, in handcuffs. Tony tiredly rolls her eyes at the ceiling as she listens to Ross prattle on and on and ON. She thanks him for him opinion and hangs up. Like hell she's going to let this turn into a fucking circus; she wants this to be over with yesterday.

  
She looks at the back door and the semi private entrances. She juggles the pros and cons and can't arrive at a decision. She decides to make use of this and tells the teams to be ready on all doors. She'll make up her mind seconds before she arrives. That'll keep people guessing and eliminate the chances of any ugly surprises dropping in on them.

 

She escorts the vans bringing Steve over, flying in a tight circle overhead with Rhodey next to her. He stays on mission, blessedly not asking her how shes doing or if she can handle it. He only asks one question, less than a minute before they arrive on location. "Door 1, 2, or 3, Tony?"

 

Tony makes a face and decides, what the hell.

 

"Door 2."

 

They'll expect her to go with the discreet entrance probably.

 

They arrive at the back of the courthouse and sure enough, there's a bunch of reporters being held back by a mix of police men, SHIELD agents, a couple of her Iron Legion. It's a small crown compared with the one gathered at the front steps. Steve clambers out with grace, glancing around him before he spots her. Something akin to regret flickers in his eyes before firm hands guide him into the courthouse. Tony quietly directs the Iron Legion to surround Steve and make sure no one tries to do anything stupid.

 

She stays at the back of the group, watching Steve's back.

 

Tony'd imagined he'd walk in with his head held high with a proud jut to his chin, looking larger than life. But instead he looks small, a weary curve to his shoulder as Rhodey points to a door and tells him they'll be handing over custody past there.

  
Steve eyes the door before asking, "Can the Iron Legion stay with me?"

 

"No, they can't. You're not our responsibility past there."

 

Tony has to bite her tongue to not snark in agreement with Rhodey's cool statement. She's ready to turn around and fly away, away from Steve and this whole shit show when the man himself asks, "Could I talk with Tony before I go?"

 

"That's up to Tony."

 

For some God forsaken reason, Tony wants to cry.

 

She didn't cry on her way to the hospital, she didn't cry when the doctor told her, she didn't cry when the loss had settled in. She didn't cry when Steve seemed to realize that she'd never seen him as an enemy and had still trusted him. She hadn't cried when she'd been ordered to bring Steve to the court house.

 

But now... Tony's glad she's got the face plate down because hot tears gather in her eyes and she screws her face up, staring up at nothing as she fails not to let them fall.

 

She wants to say no. Se doesn't want to talk to him.

 

But she can't follow through.

 

She stands there, wondering what should she do when Rhodey's hand clanks against her shoulder. "Talk to him," he advises her softly.

 

"I don't know what to say," Tony whispers.

 

"Then listen to him at least."

 

I'm not sure I want too, she wants to say but Rhodey's already flapping a hand at the agents. Making room for them to talk "privately."

  
With one last touch against her faceplate, the back of his fingers stroking her cheek, Rhodey pulls away. Tony swallows and shuffles over to stand in front of Steve, who sits on the bench next to the closed door. He watches her walk up to him, looking as quiet and uncertain as she feels. It's a cold comfort that he looks discomforted as well. His fingers twitch when she's within reach, an aborted move that he gains control over in a heart beat.

 

He clenches his hand and lowers his gaze. Shame pours off in waves and Tony has to force herself not to take a step back in surprise.

 

"I'm so sorry," Steve whispers.

 

Tony feels her jaw drop when she sees two clear drops of liquid fall to the marbled floor. Steve swipes a hand across his eyes before repeating himself, "I'm so sorry. I never should have... I should have been there. I should have trusted you when you said you just wanted to talk. I've known you for so long and I didn't trust you."

  
Steve apologizes over and over again, his hand hiding his eyes and his tears from her. And she just stands there like an idiot, torn in different directions. She's finally reaching out to touch his head and offer... forgiveness? comfort? when the door is pushed open and a security guard says, "We're ready for you."

 

Steve sniffles, scrubbing his eyes against teh crook of his elbow before he stands up. He finally looks at her and looks as lost as he did the day she found him in that block of ice.

 

"It's not too late for us, is it?"

 

Tony opens her mouth. Closes it. Shakes her head and shrugs helplessly. "I don't know."

  
"Can you forgive me at least?"

 

This is one question at least for which she has an answer.

 

Tony flips her face plate up and lets Steve see her, see the truth of her words when she says, "I never blamed you."

  
Steve looks like she just slapped him in the face. Shock gives way to relief gives way to agony. He closes his eyes and whispers, "Maybe you should."

 

Tony turns the face plate down and tells the security guard, "All yours."

  
\--

 

Peter sits in a daze in the middle of Avengers Tower not sure what's going on because even by their standards, the last 2 weeks have been PARTICULARLY wild. And that is saying  _something._

 

Steve's trial had taken 9 days and he'd been sentenced to jail. 25 years all in all, guilty on all counts. Then Tony'd been appointed Director of SHIELD and then the Skrulls had arrived. Tony had yelled at some people and gotten Steve released. Somehow, by the skin of their teeth, they'd eked out a victory. And then Tony had taken what little leverage she'd had and greased the wheel for all its worth to convince people that Steve didn't deserve to be locked up and instead had to be out there helping people.

 

Peter's eyes had nearly fallen out of his head when Steve had readily agreed to work with Tony and the pro-registration committee to work together on an acceptable compromise (which included shutting down the prison in the Negative Zone. How Tony and Steve managed to pull that off, Peter'll never know). He'd thought he'd tipped into some alternate universe when less than week later word had come that changes were being made to the SHRA. Peter and Luke had scoffed but apparently Tony'd gone to the mat for them. The Skrull invasion, as Tony was repeatedly seen saying on TV, only proved the point that for certain threats, heroes needed a certain level of independence to protect people.

 

And then he'd gotten word that Norman Osborne was up to some slimy shit and that's when shit had REALLY hit the fan.

 

Peter turns to look at MJ, who is staring thoughtfully across the living room and into the kitchen where Tony is dozing off while watching the coffee percolate. "This is real right? We stopped Osborne from getting his hands on the SHRA database, Steve's back on the field, and no one's getting arrested?"

 

"Basically."

 

"Just making sure."

 

Peter pinches himself on the inside of his elbow to make sure he's awake.  
  
  
Peter forgets about making sure he's awake or not when he sees Steve steps out of the elevator. He holds his breath, waiting for Steve to realize that Tony's waiting in the kitchen. Wait, correction. Tony's now asleep with her head pillowed on her arms. Peter watches Steve scrub a hand through his hair and make a face at his dirty hand before freezing in the doorway. He watches Tony before slowing releasing a breath as he realizes shes asleep. Peter's spider-sense tingles a few seconds before Steve glances and pretends he's looking for the remote. When he's sure Steve isn't looking his way, he peeks back up.

 

Steve's standing next to Tony now, a hand hovering over her shoulder before he pulls it back. Conflict wars on Steve's face before he scrubs the back of his neck . It's rare to see such indecision on Steve. It doesn't suit him. At the same time, Peter's never seen him look more human. In the end, the choice is taken out of Steve's hands when the coffee machine beeps and Tony's head shoots him.

  
Cracking right into Steve's jaw.

 

The pair goes down together with a mixture of pained noises that make both MJ AND him jump, even though he'd seen it happen.

 

Tony's cursing and Steve's groaning. Tony asks, "What the hell- Steve! You're bleeding!"

 

There's a flurry of motion as Tony grabs Steve's face while he tries to wriggle away, making them both do a weird dance around the island that makes MJ bite her lips to stop giggling. Tony's yelling at Steve to show her where he's hurt and Steve's arguing he's fine he just bite his tongue and then Tony wants him to see and it ends only when the elevator dings again and Logan stomps in.

 

He sees the pair and asks, "I thought the rules said no PDA in the communal kitchen."

 

Steve and Tony jump apart like they'd been electrocuted. They stare at Logan, ignore each others eyes, and dart to opposite ends of the kitchen. Steve sticks his head into the fridge, Tony grabs the coffee pot, and they both run away. Logan eyes both their backs before turning to look at Peter and asks, "Was it something I said?"

  
\--

 

After months of hell, they're at the end of their war. Maria snorts and shakes her head. "The war ended the day Steve turned himself in. As soon as he decided a compromise was the way to save everything from going to hell in a hand basket, that's when it all ended."

 

Tony dips her head in acquiescence. The Skrulls thing combined with Norman's attempt to steal the SHRA (during which she'd come THIS close to deleting her brain had Steve not intervened at the last second) had given her just enough leeway to strong arm the government into including practically all the necessary amendments necessary to bring the whole anti-faction in and sign the new act. Some days Tony's not sure she hasn't dreamed this whole reality up if she's honest.

 

Maria crosses her legs and asks, "What are you going to do now, Director?"

 

Tony shakes her head and leans back in her chair. "Rebuild. Make sure the 50 state initiative is implemented fairly. Save lives."

 

"You're not going to look for someone to replace you?" Maria raises an eyebrow. "Unless you've changed your mind about being the interim Director."

 

With a grin that makes her feel like her old self again, Tony slides a folder across the table. "About that. I quit and congratulations."

 

Maria scowls at her and then the folder. She flips it open and her expression darkens. "No."

 

"Too late. It's already been approved."

 

"You can't."

 

"I already did. Congratulations Director. I'll leave you to it."

 

Tony gets out of the chair that felt too big and too small at the same time and hurries out of Maria Hill's new office. The sooner she gets back home, the better she'll feel. She wishes she'd come here in her Iron Maiden suit however because now she'll have to bum a ride from someone. Unless of course she 'borrows' one of the flying cars. She's already thinking how she'll manage that when an agent comes up to her and tells her that her ride is waiting for her.

  
"My ride?" Tony parrots back.

 

The agent nods, "Captain Rogers has come to take you back to the Tower."

 

He... what?

 

Tony's hurries to the deck, wondering what's Steve playing at. After days of avoiding each other, he's just... coming to her? What ever for? Does he want to talk? Or did someone ask him to do this? All her questions come to a screeching halt when she sees him leaning against the drivers door, legs crossed at the ankles and arms crossed over his chest, a nervous expression on his face. His blue eyes catch hers as soon as she steps into the sunlight.

  
A pleased, hopeful smile pulls his lips up as he straightens up. It's magnetic and pulls Tony up in front of him. Her heart twinges in that old familiar way when Steve sticks his hands in his jeans pockets, bashful and shy and happy all at the same time, and says, "Rhodey told me what you were gonna do. I thought you might want a ride back."

 

"I do need a ride back," Tony tells him, breathless for some reason.

 

Steve's smile grows, warm enough to rival the sun. He pulls the door open for her and holds out the keys. Tony laughs and accepts the keys. "You want me to drive?"

 

"You always do," Steve points out.

 

That's true. Tony grins as she slips into the seat, adjusting the seat while Steve jogs over to the other side and settles in. It's a quiet ride back to the Tower, which surprises the hell out of Tony. She'd thought Steve would take the opportunity to talk about everything, something. But no. He just smiles out the windshield and occasionally sticks his arm out to feel the wind against his skin.

 

It's not until she's parking the car on top of the Tower that Steve finally speaks. Finally asks a question. And yet again, yet AGAIN!, he doesn't meet her expectations.

 

"Would you like to have dinner with me Tony?"

 

Hand still on the ignition key, Tony stares at Steve like he's grown a second head. "What?"

 

She wildly thinks she's misheard him because he didn't just ask her out... right?

 

Steve's ears are red but his eyes are determined when he asks, louder this time over the engine's thrumming. "Would you like to go out to dinner with me?"

 

"Like a date?"

 

"Yes."

  
"You and me?"

 

"Yeah."

 

"I..." Tony blinks, shakes her head. "After everything that happened?"

 

"I never stopped loving you. Not once."

 

She looks away from Steve and takes a deep breath. The world sways. Tony holds onto the steering wheel and tries not to go sideways. Next to her, Steve is deathly silent. Tony swallows. Licks her dry lips. And quietly asks, "Could we have dinner at home? I don't... I don't feel like going out."

 

Gentle fingertips press against the back of her palm. "Of course. Want me to make something or do you want take out?"

 

Oh the thought of having one of Steve's home cooked meals almost makes her cry. She sniffs and looks back at Steve. "The first thing."

 

"Any requests?"

 

"Anything." So long as you make it, her eyes complete the message because Steve's expression goes fragile before turning radiant with hope.

  
Tony bridges the space between them to tentatively press her fingertips against Steve's cheek. He turns into it almost immediately, a hand coming up to circle her wrist as he presses a kiss to the center of her palm. She didn't think it was possible to come back from the edge she'd found herself at. Especially not after the miscarriage. That had felt like the end of everything.

 

Turns out, that had been the turning point necessary for both of them.

  
\--

 

He'd thought seeing Tony and Steve back together would feel like betrayal. Why not you know? Tony convinced him to reveal his identity to the world at large. Steve opted to leave the fight in the middle of it. Both of them let him down in different ways.

 

It's not a nice feeling, learning your heroes are more human than you'd ever imagined.

 

That they can let you down so hard.

 

But Peter's got to admit...he's missed this. Seeing them with their heads bowed, whispering with each other in the kitchen as the others get comfortable in preparation for movie night. They don't seem as close as they used to be before but it's clear to anyone with eyes they're well on their way there. There's still distance between them but it closes a little more each other. Some times they look at each other with such forelonness that it hurts. 

 

The wounds left behind by their division are healing, even the deepest ones.

 

No one pays the couple any mind when Tony shifts half an inch to the side so that she's pressed snug against Steve's side. Peter's heart does a funny twist when he sees the happiness bloom on Steve's face at the small gesture and the blush that paints Tony's cheeks when Steve's hand slips around her waist. 

 

It's a return to form. 

 

Maybe that's why the sight of Steve and Tony looking at each other with tentative hope and renewed love feels good and not betrayal.

 

\--

 

She wakes up with a jerk, face falling on a pillow, and blearily wonders,  _what the Hell_?

 

Heavy footsteps hurry away from the bed and straight into the bathroom. 

 

"Steve?" she asks, rising up on her elbow.

 

The man in question throws up in response. With a startled blink, Tony's brain comes awake. She out of bed and turning the bathroom lights on in seconds, staring down at Steve's crouched form as he's hunched over the toilet bowl. Uncaring of their nudity, or how cold the tiles are, Tony kneels next to Steve and does her best to comfort him. Her clumsy efforts involve rubbing his back and stroking his hair for the most part as she tells him, "Just let it out. It's okay. You're okay." 

 

It had to have been a nightmare. But what did Steve see that he'd gotten so sick? What could be so bad? 

 

Steve's eyes are red-rimmed when he turns to her, ignoring the damp towel she holds out for him to take. He just stares at her like she's a figment of his imagination before hoarsely asking, "Are you really here?"

 

"I am," Tony answers softly, opting to wipe the sweat and spit away with the towel before tossing it away.

 

She picks up the glass of water next to her and holds it up to Steve's lips. He makes a wounded noises but accepts the drink, draining the glass in a few hungry gulps before turning his attention back to Tony. He sits back on his heels and reaches out to touch her. His hands on her shoulders are cold and clammy. In his eyes, Tony can see he's still trapped in his nightmare.

 

She opens her mouth to ask what did Steve see when he whispers, "I dreamt about that press conference."

 

Tony can't help but stiffen under him. 

 

Steve flinches and takes his hands back, gaze lowering. His fingers curl into fists in his lap. Tony would rather be anywhere else but here and that includes being trapped in a room with Doctor Doom without her suit. And yet she's frozen in place as she waits for Steve to go on because this is the conversation they've been avoiding for weeks now. 

 

(God, why does their timing suck  _so much_? Why were they going to do this  _now_? Right after when they'd decided to fall back into bed together?)

 

As he scrubs a hand over his eyes to rub the afterimages away, Steve says, "I keep seeing that day in my mind. When you asked me to come talk to you and I used the EMP. I let my temper get the better of me. I didn't stop to  _think_. Maybe if I'd... then you wouldn't have..."

 

Tony shakes her head as Steve's body shudders, kneeling up to grab the larger man in a hug. Steve doesn't return the embrace. He presses his face against Tony's shoulder and lets out a miserable sob. Tony squeezes her eyes shut, ignoring the wet burning sensation gathering there. She presses her lips to Steve's neck and whispers, "Don't. I wasn't totally honest with you either. I should have been more open about what I wanted. It's not your fault."

 

"I should have trusted you."

 

"I should have trusted  _you_."

 

"You gave me a home and I-"

 

" _You_ gave me a family!"

 

"But I took it awa-"

 

"No!"

 

 

"We should have talked sooner," Steve bemoans as he hides his face against her arc reactor. 

 

"I should have been more honest," Tony exhales in return. "Should have trusted you with the truth."

 

"I should have trusted you and your motives. Shouldn't have jumped to conclusions."

 

At some level, Tony's a little amused at how they can't even apologize to each other without them turning it into a "It wasn't you, it was me." But still. They stay there, clinging to each other in the cold bathroom and its harsh light, murmuring half-finished apologies into each others skin. They eventually move back to bed, Tony holding Steve's hand tight and swearing to herself that she isn't ever going to let him go ever again.

 

She tucks herself against Steve's side, an arm across his chest and a leg tucked in between his. She's assumes they're going to fall asleep but Steve turns to face her, tangling their legs together. The hesitance in her eyes makes her whisper, "What?"

 

"Can we... talk about the miscarriage?"

 

Tony's heart falters.

 

She doesn't want to. But if there's  _any_ hope for them... she must. 

 

Tony closes her eyes and gives the slightest nods. 

 

"You said... back at the courthouse... you never blamed me."

 

She shakes her head, "No. I never did."

 

"But I was the reas-"

 

"You didn't  _know_." Tony opens her eyes to meet Steve's anguished gaze. "Neither of us did. I couldn't blame you even if I tried. I... I blame myself more than I blame you."

 

"Tony."

 

"I  _should_ have known. I wasn't feel well. I threw up a couple of  times. I skipped my period. But I just thought it was stress. I should have-" Her voice gives out, leaving her to shake her head in misery.

 

Steve pulls her into a hug so tight she can't breath. But that might also be the guilt. 

 

"You  _just_ said you thought it was stress. How could you have known?"

 

Tony opens her mouth to argue she just  _should have_. But Steve pulls back to kiss her cheek, her nose, her forehead. "Neither of us knew. If you can't blame me then you can't blame yourself either. I sure don't."

 

She's ready to argue till she's blue in the face that  _no_ , it  _is_ her fault when Steve says, "I never apologized for how I found out what happened did I? After everything I complained about and how you don't respect the law... I was the one who ignored the rules just to find out what was going on. I'm so sorry Tony."

 

That right there? Was the wind going out of sails in one fell swoop.

 

Tony opens and closes her mouth before settling on, "Uhhh."

 

"It was seriously hypocritical of me. I should have... I should have come to you and asked."

 

"Are you sorry you did it?"

 

There's a tiny bit of hesitation before Steve admits, "I'm sorry I didn't respect your privacy and I didn't bring it up in a way that wouldn't have hurt you. But I'm not sorry I dug into it. I don't think you would have told me the truth. Not unless you were cornered into it."

 

She hates she can't argue against that because yeah. She hadn't planned on telling Steve, not ever. Tony sighs and presses her forehead against Steve's clavicle. "You're right about that."

 

Tentative fingers come up to stroke through her hair. Tony closes her eyes and exhales, relaxing against Steve. How could she have forgotten how good this felt? How safe she felt in Steve's arms? Why had she forgotten her own promise from ages ago that she could trust Steve with anything - her life, her heart, her complete and absolute trust? That no one made her want to be a better person as much as Steve Rogers did?

 

"I'm sorry too," Tony murmurs after a while. "You had a right to know too. I shouldn't have kept it from you."

 

"I'm sorry I made you feel you couldn't trust me."

 

"Ditto."

 

\--

 

It's been a little over a year since Steve had turned himself in and the whole "civil war" thing had come to a grinding halt. Peter's surprised at how far they've come. He's more surprised, in hindsight, that they've survived. The speed at which things had become personal, the manner in which lives were lost, the choices made and their consequences... he hadn't thought reconciliation was possible.

 

But here they are. Coexisting in the same space again. Sure they're in smaller teams now, scattered across the US to make sure the 50 state initiative will be a success but... they're all ultimately the same team again. No more divisions. Hell, the only division these days is all of them trying to figure out what's going on with Steve and Tony (again).  
Most of the team is gathered in the conference room. Those who weren't in New York, are on various conference calls, joining in on the gossip as they all openly speculate as to the nature of today's meeting.

 

"I'm telling you," Jan says loudly over the din. "They're going to announce their engagement!"

 

"Bullshit. No way he'd propose to her without a ring first."

 

"They're probably gonna tell us they've eloped and are already married."

 

Peter twists back and forth in his chair, letting the gossip flow over him. He's got his money on the engagement announcement personally. Hulk grunts at Hank as he presents his facts before grumbling, "Nope. Tony not married yet."

 

The conversations come to a halt when the doors open. Steve and Tony walk in side by side, hands linked between them. It's not a statement. It's just them being... them.

  
Steve's grinning from ear to ear and Tony looks... radiant. Peter can't remember the last time he's seen her look so genuinely, unabashedly happy. Everyone straightens up as the pair take their seats at the head of the table. Peter catches Jan mouthing, "I'm gonna win the pool" at Clint across the table, who rolls his eyes in good humor.

 

"Thank you all for coming in. We're not going to take much of your time but we had an announcement to make."

 

"Good news?" Hulk asks.

 

Tony nods. "Really good news." She glances over at Steve, who's grin seems to widen as he nods. Tony's expression goes shy as she looks over the table and the multiple screens across from her. Her lips press together like she's trying and failing to hold her smile in. With a broad smile, Tony says, "I'm 6 weeks pregnant."

  
There's exactly half a second of silence before Logan grunts, "Called it." Followed by Hulk raising his arms with a triumphant yell of, "Hulk win pool!"

  
And then pandemonium. Money is pulled out with varying degrees of complaints and grumbling, Jan's already half-way across the room hugging Tony's head and squealing in happiness. Bucky's slapping Steve's back with one hand and shaking his arm off with the other. Rhodey's next to Tony, rubbing her back as she laughs and cries in Jan's arms, joking that she needs to name the tyke James because her and Steve's best friends are both James.

 

Peter watches the scene unfold and feels a smile pull his lips up. He gets out of his seat, side steps Thor hurrying out with Natasha and Clint as they discuss organizing a quick party, and stands in front of Tony. She stops her conversation with She-Hulk and turns to him. Her happiness visibly dims and her smile turns tentative.

 

With a soft exhale, Peter gives her the most genuine smile he can muster and says, "I'm happy for you both."

 

Tony's bottom lip trembles before she whispers, "Thank you Peter."

  
\--

 

Tony gives birth to a girl.

 

They name her Hope.


End file.
